Valentine's Day donkey punch

I have a gf on Valentine's day for the first time in like four years....FUCK

What to get? Let's recap. We were going out for about two weeks and then Christmas happened. I got her a golden retriever tree ornament cause her family raises them, and Napoleon Dynamite DVD as the meat of the present, plus a nice hand written card. Not too bad.

BUT I also put up $480 for ballroom dance classes. Yes it's gay, fuck you. And I'll probably have to put up at least $100 more for those. Now I might get compensated if her dad sends me some business etc., but who knows.

Anyway, what do I get her for Valentines day? I'm assuming I should go for something cute and useless. I'm not sure if a picture in an frame will make the cut. Here are some things I'm thinking, along with the possible problem:

1) Massage oil - She may expect me to actually use them on a regular basis.
2) Name a star after her - This is pretty gay. Maybe I'll do this next year.
3) Stuffed animal type thing - Also gay. Not her style.
4) Jewelery - It's a little early for that (less than 2 months) doncha think?
5) Dance Classes - I already paid for them, so now they're expected. Should held out.
6) Draw a portrait of her with ugly exaggerated features a la Napoleon Dynamite - I think I'm DEFINITELY going to do this, and frame it. It would be the funniest thing ever.

But I need more ideas. If you're a random viewer that clicked on my blog because I wrote 'donkey punch' in the subject (yeah I put that there just to get attention), send me an e-mail and help me out, or leave it in a comment or something.

By the way, every search I did on technorati for Valentine's day gifts came up as some advertisement...they should do something about people who make blogs that are just long advertisements, it drowns out the good stuff.